One of the key points is how a very large hairless cat named Chet has become a vampire and has now set out on a rampage through the city. Chet the huge vampire kitty is busy turning the stray cats of San Francisco into vampire kitties, and the homeless population is declining at an alarming rate, much to the dismay of the self-proclaimed Emperor of San Francisco, a street-dweller who does his best to keep the two cops, Cavuto and Rivera up on all info.
Helping them fill in the blanks are the Animals, Tommy Flood’s pot-crazed fellow night stalkers and champion frozen-turkey bowlers (in case you wonder what really goes on in grocery stores at night).
Chet has learned the very valuable trick of turning to mist —not something most novice vampires are able to do — and somehow or other also passed on this talent to the felines he bites. Which means that come sundown that patch of mist drifting towards you down a San Francisco street could very well materialize in front of you as a hundred vampire pussies looking to suck you dry. It is also discovered that the third generation vampire shelf life can be very short and need intensive blood transfusions over and above just snacking.
Piecing together the story with her diary entries is Abigail Von Normal, emergency back-up mistress of the Greater Bay Area Night, and minion to To
mmy and Jody, along with her science nerd (Ph.D. in biochemistry) boyfriend, Steve “Foo Dog” Wong. Foo is researching a serum to turn the undead back into mortals, but Abby is dedicated to turning herself into a vampire so as to better serve the Countess Jody and her Dark Lord Flood.
Things get even wackier with the arrival of an old Japanese samurai and an even older Chinese grandmother. This is San Francisco as you’ve never imagined it. And atthis point it needs to be made clear: There is enough off-color racist X-rated humor here to offend almost anyone, so don’t go all p.c. on this story.
Vampires are all the rage right now among the teenage girls with them swooning over handsome, pale-skinned heartthrobs and dreams of eternal love. Bite Me provides a little relief to the sickeningly sweet world of paranormal romance that’s being peddled by the trash merchants these days, even if over the top at times. Moore is a refreshing dose of the absurd in a world which has started to take itself far too seriously.