Pattaya Daily News

Published : March 02, 2010 :: 13:03:33 [ 1,347 views ]

When a person is in a relationship, in love with someone, it should produce a sense of emotional well being and happiness. People in relationships generally support each other, sharing each other’s problems, striving to build a life together. However, there is another side of a loving relationship where by instead of bringing happiness things become sour, making a partner unhappy and depressed, feeling alone and afraid of making decisions without consulting the other half.

Whilst society deals with issues of abused women which have always been in the limelight, not much is known about the abuse of men.  We have all heard the term ‘hen pecked’ and ‘not being man enough’ to control a woman. Society has always looked upon the woman as the weaker sex who was born to love and nurture every one, but the truth about abusive women in relationships cannot be ignored.

Abusive relationships can and does affect an individual’s mental and physical state.  Abuse in relationships, are not always physical, it can be mental or emotional or even a combination of these.  It can have many negative effects which range from long term health problems to lowering one’s self esteem, causing depression and anxiety.

Many people in abusive relationships often do not seek help, for fear of reprisals, but as long as it is kept quiet, then there will never be a way out. If the abused talks to someone as in a close friend or family member, there is a chance they can help with escaping the situation. There is no point suffering, because of fear of losing a partner or worrying about what society may think.

Some people in abusive situations often ask themselves whether or not they are suffering abuse, because many people do not understand the true meaning or facts of abuse. Many of the abused mistake it for intense love and care, feeling flattered that their boy/girlfriend are  insanely jealous of friends and family who seek their company.  However, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection.  A healthy relationship involves trust and respect without the worry of the possible end of the relationship.

Abusive relationships do not relate to just spouses, but to partners, colleagues, neighbours, employees and employers, also past or present and children.  The basis of any abuse lies in the means to have power and control over a person which can be in any form be it physical, verbal or psychological.

Abusive relationships are not just restricted to certain problem families, uneducated or poor areas.  Abuse, be it physical, emotional or psychological affects every social strata with financially independent people being just as likely to suffer in the same way. So, it is not dependant on social standing, but rather a person’s need for control and power.

Domestic abuse is not just a family matter, it is a criminal offence to batter, assault or rape another person and the perpetrator should be punished.  It is estimated that 1.8 million women are battered each year in US alone, with battering being the major cause of deaths, exceeding rapes, mugging and auto accidents.

It is a myth that some people like, want or even deserve it. Nobody wants or deserves to be abused. It is just a reason for shifting the blame from the abuser to the abused.  People are beaten for ridiculous reasons like the dinner being cold or the baby crying, even if the TV was on the wrong channel.

It has been said, if things were that bad, he/she would have left. Leaving a partner or spouse, can be difficult for many reasons such as, emotional, financial, and social besides other relationship issues.  Sometime trying to leave and abuser can increase the abuse and violence often resulting in death.

Abusers are not always course violent people, any one irrespective of looks or social standing can be an abuser.  It is said that 80% of people who abuse, have no other criminal charges.

Abusive women have often been described as selfish and narcissistic who choose to inflict sexual and emotional abuse to control the people in their relationship. Although the physical abuse may not be all that prevalent, it does exist with men suffering much more from emotional and verbal abuse. Women tend to use deceit and fury, lies and conniving to extort what they want, with most of them having a drink problem or a history of delinquency.

Men who have had to deal with abusive women in relationships often experience shame, fear and bewilderment partly because the law and order system refuses to believe that a man is hit by a woman and partly due to fear off loss and alienation.  Domestic violence laws are written with the battered and abused woman in mind, with out thought on the battered man.

Any one, male or female in an abusive relationship, needs to seek help to break free of the vicious cycle of abuse allowing them to lead a better and more fulfilling life.

Patty Brown

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